Times I just need to get away to find out who it is that I am what i lost and what i once had but when I won and would only gane through the tears thar I taste it the pain seeking my serenaty and sacred ground I pray learning to see past the storm’s rain looking at the best of times and remembering the sad knowing that the sun will always shine down of the broken soul of mine.

Doubt

The question of whether one is missed of forgotten is sometimes accompainied by doubts about the authenticity of the emotions of a moment.

Even though you know the truth, doubt suddenly gets in your way and robs you of all peace.

Doubts arice about things that you don’t understand.

Any thinking doesn’t work when the unimaginable happens.

You don’t have a solution and knowledge shows you the limit. It calls and asks within you without and answer.

Take a look at me now. The longing too great.

Longing creates an inner tention between what is and what would be. But longing is also a energy that pushes for changes.

Don’t run away from your longing even if it hurts sometimes. Run with her … who knows where it will take you. 

You cannot produce trust, just as you cannot do humility. It either is or either not. Trust is a fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.

Wall around me, there are many and I can’t count them. They are high so that no one sees what ist behind them. The outer small but the inner cold and powerful. They are not beautiful but they protect well, me and fears and my anger. Laboriously I have built them for years.
And now you come.
You just tear it down and climb over it.
What do you expect from it, and who allowed you to do it?
I am afraid of you and my walls, which are getting higher and higher, which I have to build tighter and tighter from my loneliness and fear.
Will you keep climbing over my walls and until even the last one collapses, only to find, that the effort was not worth it, because than I would be alone again, but this time without protective walls.

Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared – neath the stars above.

For a moment all the world was right, but how could I have know, that you ever say goodbye.

Now I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.

Our times together feels like a storm, like fierce, wind and rain, something too big to handle and too strong to escape. It envirements me and tangles my hair, wets my face and makes me feel that I am alive, alive, alive …